by 
It hurts, finding your true self through the broken pieces of your life.
You can’t go around it, under it, or even over it.
You must breakthrough it.
Once upon a time I found myself in a dark place. Depression, uncertainty, and self-doubt contributed to an emotional and psychological downward spiral. Self-medication with alcohol, binge eating, and video game addition produced nothing more than a stark reminder that I was a broken person in need of some serious help.
The catalyst for my downhill slide was divorce. I left my wife of 20 years, carrying some heavy baggage that I had no clue what to do with. There were plenty of other factors in my life at that time contributing to my demise. Some of those factors I was keenly aware of, but there were others I knew nothing about lurking deep in my psyche.
What was I to do?
Even as a professing Christian, with prayer and faith in my Redeemer, I couldn’t seem to escape the darkness.
I needed a breakthrough, a heart connection, to find something within myself that was willing and able to overcome.
Someone in my life at that time saw what I was going through and could relate. They had recently experienced something similar, but had found a way through. They referred me to an organization called Heart Connexion. So I made the call, reaching out to a local office near where I lived to begin my Breakthrough journey.
BT (Breakthrough) provides a forum for safe exploration of how past experiences still impact your decisions and continue to shape the choices that limit your quality of life. When I went through the program in 2009, the original founders were still facilitating it as a 4-part process.
Dr. Paul Fitzgerald and his wife Susanna were exceptional, delivering an immersive experience like no other. They’re still actively engaged with Heart Connexion, providing ongoing facilitation, consultation, and content development for the program. Dr. Paul continues in this calling by providing a supplemental toolset for those seeking more … https://pauldfitzgerald.com/
I was an ideal candidate for BT, in dire need of a transformational experience to lift me from the muck of my life.
BT1 introduced me to some foundational principles involving knowledge of self, my harmful patterns of thought, and labeled them with a meaningful title designed to invoke a shift in thought about how I perceived myself.
I emerged from BT1 as “The Cowardly Lion“.
I was emotionally unprepared for the immersion of BT2, as Paul and Susanna took me deep into the parts of who The Cowardly Lion really was and what it really meant. It exposed me to some of the psychological wounds I had suppressed for decades. Thinking I was “over it”, I realized that I had only learned how to quietly carry the burdens of my heart without ever truly surrendering them to God.
I gained from BT2 a new spirit, a new pattern of thought, and a new title of my own choosing.
The Cowardly Lion transformed to “Powerful, Peaceful, and Priceless“.
BT3 was focused on equipping me with effective tools designed to help me realize what it truly means to be Powerful, Peaceful, and Priceless, and how to live that way. I learned about the triggers in my life that drive me to retreat into the old ways of The Cowardly Lion. Knowing my triggers, and applying techniques to manage my reactions to them, allowed me to begin learning the process of living the Powerful, Peaceful, and Priceless life I wanted (needed) for myself; my “3 P’s“.
My BT3 experience produced a powerful realization that took form in my psychology about a tragic event I had downplayed my entire life. I never understood how this traumatic thing had affected me since childhood, because I have apparently suppressed all memory of it.
To this day, I can honestly say I have no true memories of my older brother Danny. I was only a toddler, 18 months old, when he was tragically killed.
The far-reaching consequences of that day are still not fully understood, but I can at least now acknowledge the reality of it and accept that it has had a profound affect on the kind of person I grew up to be.
If you’d like to learn more about this event and read about my interpretations of how it has affected my life, then I’d like to encourage you to read my father’s book, TOM.
You won’t be disappointed!
The final sessions of Breakthrough, BT4, provided deeper insight to the tools and techniques I would need to flourish in the new mantra of my 3 P’s. Dr. Paul emphasized the importance of community and developing a personal support network of the strong people I would need to help me stay on the path and avoid backsliding into my old ways.
This was 12 years ago, and I have come far since those lonely nights in an empty apartment drowning my sorrows in a bottle of Captain Morgan. Am I done? Have I achieved the Powerful, Peaceful, and Priceless life? The short answer is no. The longer answer is, I’m still growing, unlearning old ways, and embracing new ones. Progress, not perfection, seems to be a fitting description. I’m okay with that, because God’s grace is sufficient for me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
If any part of this story resonates with you, may I suggest you contact Dr. Paul or Heart Connexion and consider what your own Breakthrough experience might look like?
Keep praying and believing that God has something good for you, despite your situation.
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